Che Ahata Che Rogãpe (I'm Going Home)

I sat down to write this, but didn't know what to say. So instead I began to read what other Radical Journey-ers have been writing lately (sadly, not a habitual practice for me).

As I read through one bitter-sweet goodbye post after another I started to wonder if I'm the only one who is entirely and completely ready to get on that plane and fly home.

As I said, those posts are bitter-sweet, not just bitter. They are ready to go home, they just don't want to leave their current home, the friends and families they've gotten to know over this year, everything they've experienced. To me this means that they've made real relationships, they have really connected to the people God put in their lives, they've invested themselves in this adventure, which they / we all were called to do.

Does then, the fact that I feel none of this mean the opposite? Have I, this year, hardened myself against relationships, ignored the people God put in my life, become reclusive, and invested myself, instead, in counting down how many months, weeks, and days until July 13?

I'm not sure yet what the answers to these questions are, but I can say that I have a history of being unaffected by goodbyes (save one), and that simple fact may be my saving grace when it comes to confronting the questions.

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I suppose I should write an ammendment to this...

Last night as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, the thought hit me, "I´m leaving Paraguay the day after tomorrow...!" The whole time I´ve been here the date of July 12, 2010 has seemed unbelievably far off in the future, until last night that is.

I started really thinking about the differences in the PYan culture versus that of the U.S., and realized that I am going to miss the culture here a lot, I´m going to miss the people here and I´m really going to miss constantly being surrounded by Spanish (and Guaraní).

To answer the questions I asked before, I think they all have a little bit of truth to them, otherwise I wouldn´t have bothered to ask them, but over all, I did make relationships here and I have taken part in the culture, and even though I have been faithfully counting down the days and hours till I´m back home, this has been an amazing experience for me.

That being said... there are now 2 days, 5 hours, and 42 minutes until I step off the plane in Chicago.

What I did in the past hour

Yes, that really is what I'm going to write about.


It is now 2:00 on a Saturday afternoon.
For the last half hour I have been sitting on this same couch, watching Sam play Halo while I try to remember how to strategize in Age of Empires.
Before that I ate a piece of reheated sausage from Sam's fridge and considered eating "Shin Cup," noodles in a can from Korea. Which I am still considering.
Ruth was here too. We started to watch The Good Year, but had to stop when it had barely started because Jono and Rose came and took Ruth away to Mercado 4 for some shopping.

Several times in the past hour I have checked my email, hoping to find something to read. Futile.
We've been listening to some tranquilo music, and it's making me tired, even with the fire fight sounds of Halo in the background.
I have a cold. Which is strangely refreshing. I sneeze a lot.



There. I have now blogged for the month of May.
Satisfied? :)

We can dance if we want to...

Well I've had an unexpected week.

On Tuesday I was informed that I needed to move out of my house (and just as I was about ready to start thinking of it as "home" too). I was stunned...shocked, when they told me. That evening I packed up all my belongings and Wednesday morning I moved into my new house.

There's a quote by John Steinbeck that goes something like this:

"Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like a stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass."

Now that creates a pretty little picture doesn't it?

+ + +

As we pulled away from my old house and headed toward my new one I felt the weight of stress lifting off my shoulders. I knew I had been stressed there - but i didn't realize quite how much until I was pulled out.

With my new family I feel much more like I am part of the family. There's not the constant tension here that I felt in the other house.

I can't necessarily say that "This is the best thing that's happened since I've gotten here," but it's definitely up there on the list.

I also don't want to say that I didn't like my other host family - they were a good family and I will always remember them with appreciation and a sense of loyalty. I went thru a lot with them.

Even though I am still counting down the months, the weeks until I come home, I am now excited about being in Paraguay. I am finally glad to be here, instead of merely being appreciative of the positive affects this "trial" will have on me and mine.

3 more months (14 weeks (92 days)) to enjoy it.

see you soon

your friend and mine

-Naomi

:)

edit:

just to clarify, i did (and do) appreciate everything my first host family did for me, how they made a great effort to pull me into the family life and treat me as a daughter / sister. i will never forget them or regret that they were my first fam here in PY. They stood behind me and beside me when i needed them. The stress was because we just didn´t fit together, them and i. different personalities.

"Today is Monday and the day after tomorrow is Wednesday, then the week will be half gone and you won't have done [or experienced] anything."

A little over a week ago i wrote a prayer in my journal asking God for a better attitude about being here, to let myself be happy and enjoy the time i have in a foreign country.

After reading over that prayer, i realize that it is being answered... Of course i still sometimes really want to go home, but now it's coupled with the realization that going home wouldn't solve anything. Because no matter where i am, I'll potentially want to be somewhere else, or some -time- else. And so here in Paraguay God is teaching me to be happy with where and when i am. To appreciate the moment. It's hard work, but i think i am learning - He is the best teacher i could have after all.

I know i haven't written in a while, but realize that I'm not a natural born writer like some people. I have such a hard time knowing what to write about. Or how to make it in anyway interesting or profound...

Not to say that i haven't learned anything or found any old profound truths which i could write about...just that i don't know how to put things into words or how to focus my thoughts onto paper in an interesting and intelligable way. Never thought I would say it, but I wish I had payed a little more attention in my high school writing classes :)

Anyway.

So i'm working at Alto Refugio now and i love it there. The people are the most welcoming people you could meet, and I've learned that no matter how mundane a job seems on the surface, if i like the people i'm working with i don't care what i'm actually doing all day. I don't have one thing i do everyday, but i rotate through a number of jobs every week. Twice a week i am teaching a typing class to the older children (12 and 13 year olds). It would be an easy class to teach, except that i'm teaching it in Spanish, a language which i still have yet to master.

I have been so busy lately that ive had little time to spend at home with my host family. No matter how much time i spend here, though, i still fail to have any sort conversation with any of them. That theme has been somewhat of a thorn in my side for the past month or so. I would really like to break out of this little bubble ive created for myself and start to BE part of the family. Seems that they've given up on trying to talk to me as well. Can't say i blame them much. :/

One of my host sisters just got back from Germany where she had been a volunteer in an exchange program for a year. having her here now and hearing all the stories of the place she was makes me really want to go home so i can sit around with my family and friends and tell them stories about where I was.